Where is my dup dup???

Today, is a very challenging day. In fact it is the most stressful day to us. Yes it is stress n tiring when your future n finance is depending on that thing. We still have a lot. But we must prepare for the worse. Because it will get worse. By patterns n prediction, it is not a good sign. Enough with that story. I try to avoid it for a moment. So move on to the next story. I think today is very unfortunate day for me. I lost a bet tonight. Huhu. Besides that, i am happy a little bit after seeing her. But ashamed at the same time bcoz she heard me crying during our fon call. Well yes i do can cry. Bcoz the burden is really killing me. My family, my work n my everything. All i wnt is to hear her voice so that i can stay calm. But before i can control my feeling my tears just start running without even thinking about my pride. Funny doh. How can i cry just like that. Luckily i'm ok when i meet her. This is the first time i meet her more than 1 hour just the 2 of us. Eventhough the meeting is quite funny bcoz there's a divider between us. She's inside her house gate n i'm outside. But we manage to talk for quite a while. N i luv it bcoz it's just talk. But i start wondering something, on my way to see her, i dont feel my heart beat racing. I just felt cold. Where did my dup dup go? When i'm standing in front of her, the dup dup still not with me. Until i go back, i feel calm n nothing. No dup dup, nothing. Just simple me talking with her. No eye contact, no staring, no more cold and definitely no dup dup. Normal i think. Does this mean something? Indeed it does. But let just keep it in my mind. Bcoz i want to sleep. It's late n tomorrow i have to wake up early. So gud nite world. N thanx blog for listening.