What is this feeling?

Haha. Nobody to talk to, so i end up talking with myself in this blog. Bcoz i cant keep it to myself forever. I need place to express my feeling. So what is this feeling. This problem keep on happening over n over again. When i luv sum1, i will have ths stupid fucking cycle. The feeling start to grow n then it start to fade n i bcome scared of that person. Its like seeing a ghost u know. At night i will have nightmare about them. I cant even look at their face in normal way. They look different. Sometimes it make me shiver. Not in a good way. I miss u but i'm scared. I wnt to find u but i cant. N luckily u dont find me 2. U dont text me and ths make things easier n worst at the same time. Its torturing. Shit man. Y is this happening? U'r not even my gf. We dont declare. N still it happen. Do u know how much i miss u. Of coz u dont. U dont even have time to think about me. But y did i have this feeling on u. Not other people. Its hard to act normal during ths situation. Hard to smile. Hard everything. This is one side feeling but it end up like we're both in luv. This weird thing always happen when i declare. Never happen other thn that. This is the first it happen to one side feeling. I see u as a different person now. N u just let it happen bcoz u dont care. Hahaha. I wnt to at least smile at u or treat u like bfore, but i just cant. U look like a ghost to me. I'm scared of u. I dont like u. N i hate this feeling. From 100% luv it become -30% luv. What is that. Y is that? I dunno i dont care anymore. It wont change anything so just let it be. Follow the flow. Haha. Oklah. I really need some sleep. Ths bz thingy is really helpful during my forgetting sum1 process. So once again, gud nite to myself. Hope no nightmare for tonight. Adios.