What is thing called love?

topic yang xda kenak mengenak ngn apa2 pun. just pas dgr lagu ya tek. ya la letak nya jadi title. ai. lelah eh jumpa org gtok. rasa mok berkurung lam umah jak. asal jumpa sedara mara xda soalan len jak tanyak. dont ask me if u knw i'm not ok. just dont. susah na hidup org sakit tok. ya allah. bilalah mok sehat. badan dah kedak rangka. mcm zombie pun ada juak ku tgk dah. hm. tok barunya dugaan. mood swing jak2. emotionally unstable dah tok. i just feel hurt. help me god. nasib ada game k ngubat hati yang lara tok. cis ayat. apa gk mok klaka ow.xda papa juak sebenarnya mok di tulis. mode mls. klah.ya jak kot. mok balit tok. babai.

I'm feeling down...

Finally i reach a moment where i am entirely feeling fucking down. I feel helpless n i dont 1 2 do anythng. I jst 1 2 stay in my fucking room. Sleeping all day long if i can. I miss my baby so much. But i'm scared to say i miss u. I'm afraid tht thngs turn ugly. I dunno wht to say. Suma mcm xbtl jk. Mmy monster mmg menakutkn i guess. Whts best for me is u. Whts best for u is i dunno. Today is saturday.  Hm. Cant wait for monday n pray hard tht everythng will b bck to normal. N monday id day 100. Ayat terhenti ctok jk. Xpt bfungsi otak. Bye.

Hello pulo...

Morning. Asal gaduh jak mimpi ngeri. Asal gaduh jak mimpi ngeri. Asal mimpi ngeri jak mesti gaduh. Sepnjg malam xpat tdo. Ai. I dont ask u to b perfect. I knw u'r not perfect. But i like u the way u r. If i wnt a perfect person. I wont ask u to b mine at the first place. Bcoz i knw u'r lack of everythng. I still want to b with u. I dont care wht weaknesses that u have. I dont care if we'r hv to fight every week or everyday. U wnt our relationship to b interesting rite. It is interesting. We have lots of up n down. N i'm doing fine with it kot? No seriously i'm perfectly fine.  I hurt u. U hurt me. I luv u. U luv me? All of ths if normal. Just let the bad feeling go n let the good feelings grow. Simple as 1 2 3. Dont thnk too much. Dont stress yourself. Dont ask me to find a barbie or anythng. If u cant picture me loving u so much its ok. Bcoz i cant either. To me yg important ialah i can c myself loving u unconditionally. U r so called mine after all. Ok. Gtg.

Don't cry in front of a girl...

As a human i do have heart. I do can cry. I do have feelings. I know u r not perfect. And so am i. Aku ialah org yg ssh mok nangis but when i cry, i cry. When i cry in front of other people, thats mean i can't handle the feeling anymore. Its beyond my control. When i seek for ur help n cry in front of u, thts mean u'r such an important person in my life. But there's 1 small thing i would ask 4, when i cry or sad, plz don't sow salt on wound. If u dont knw wht to say, just say u sorry for what happened or whtever. Dont laugh bcoz i'm crying. Or dont say sumthng tht can hurt my feeling. I am already in pain.  Thts y i call for help. Today incident wasnt suppose to b. im sorry for wht i've said. But im just human. I talk shit when i'm mad. I'm sorry for being too emotional n sensitive. Bcoz this is about human life n death. Lagikkan binatang mati lagik kta sedih. Kadang2 org boleh nangis bila binatang cdak mati. Apakan lagi tok baby, manusia yg terpaksa dibunuh. Walaupun nya blm dilahirkan. Nya udah bernyawa. And i am crazy if im not sad sbb tok tjadi bkn kat org xdikenali. P kat org yg mempunyai hubungn rapat dgn aku. Kta xperlu kenal org ya baruk mok sedih sal kematiannya. Kta kesian kta sedih kdng2 org smpe nangis tgk org mati. Even org ya xknl pun org mati or knk bunuh ya. Since i cant express my feeling to anyone anymore bcoz im afraid tht people would laugh when i cry or make fun of me when i'm sad. So i just can write here i guess. N hope tht everythngs will b ok after ths. So today i learn sumthng new which is dont give up n keep on trying. Dont lose hope. Dont lose faith. But believe tht everythng happen for a reason. To my unborn niece, i already love u since ur first heart beat. U r my niece after all. Of coz i love u. U dont hv to b born to b love by me. My dear cousin which like a sister to me, whatever happen, u knw im owez by ur side to support. I knw this been a very difficult moment for both of u, but this is allah will. Thins happened for a reason remember. Sabar byk2. Rezeki, ajal dan maut sumanya di tangan allah. Let us pray for another rezeki in future. Amin.

Ujian Allah

Tok ialah salah satu hari yg menyedihkn bt seluruh ahli keluarga. Yes we should cry. Sekuat ne pun kmk org, bla part tok kmk org mmg nangis. Tlh menerima berita yg sgt tdk baik sal baby lam kandungan cousin aku. Baby disahkan bermasalah oleh specialist and the parents di advice utk bt abortion. Aku rs serba salah. Xtauk mok ckp apa. Baby wont survive if dilahirkn. I am sad. Very sad indeed. Yes i knw ada himah di sebalik ujian tok. Time my kazen gugur we all sad. But now situasi berbeza. Sedih tok bt aku nangis mcm kes divorce. Baby ya akan di bunuh. Yarabi. Xsampe hati kali. Aku yg xmenanggung rasa ya lg sedih apatah lagik cdak duak. Ujian bturut2. Org yg xmok ank sng jak dpt. p org yg sunggug2 mok anak sengsara mok dpt. ya allah. Ujian apa yg ko berik tok. Apalah dosa bby ya smpe tpaksa "dibunuh". Tok baruk kata org d luah mati mak d telan mati bpk. Argh. Xtauk mok ckp apa. I just can say to the parents sabar tok adalah ujian dr allah n tiap yg blaku ada hikmah di sebaliknya. Human can't live without brain but we can talk without having 1.  Huhu.

Army of two

This song is dedicated to my girl with message i luv u so much and happy monthsary yg ke ??? haha. Bialah rahsia. Army of two by dum dums.



Look into these eyes of mine and take away my painFall into my arms, tonight, let the world around us fadeThe rain will fall, our hearts will breakBut still I will be here beside you, right beside you

When the world is against you, I will protect youDarling we'll be an army of twoWhen your life's going wrong, our love will be strongDarling we'll be an army of two

When the burdens of the world are on me, an people seem unkindI just need to be beside you, you give me peace of mindAnd when I fail to be everything, I tell you I will beI know in your eyes I'll find, forgiveness for me

The rain will fall, our hearts will breakBut still I will be here beside you, right beside you

When the world is against you, I will protect youDarling we'll be an army of twoWhen your life's going wrong, our love will be strongDarling we'll be an army of two

Oh forgiveness and you give me completeness in everything you doAnd I know when I'm lost in this desperate world, you're my refugeI want to fall down at your feet, whilst beside you in the streetBe proud that you are here with me, in front of everyone

When the world is against you, I will protect youDarling we'll be an army of twoWhen your life's going wrong, our love will be strongDarling we'll be an army of two

Somebody that I wish I never knew.

Hm. That somebody was really, I dont know how to describe. She's just somebody that I used to knw n how i wish tht i never knew her. Y? Bcoz knowing her n being with her for a few days was really one of the biggest mistake i've ever made. I am not perfect. I am also not a good person. I am once good to u. But dont take advantage of my kindness. Bcoz i can turn 360 degree from kind to bad, from like to hate and etc. I know it is inappropriate to say bad things about other people in the internet. But i just need some place to say whtever I want to say. Plus nobody knows who i'm talking about except for me n maybe my girl. I'm not sure bout that. So back to the story, I know a promise is a promise n we dont make promises that we cant keep. But plz dont push me. N plz lah k, dont ask for sumthng that u'r not worth it. At least tauklah malu sikit kan. I know u'r mad with me when i ask for tht thing. But u should knw that is also ur promise to me. So y cant i ask for it when u keep on asking me about our bet. it's the same thing. tht is how i felt when u push me. i am so damn angry. u said i'm over when i ask like that. but u r more than over when u ask for tht. u r so not worth it. n i will give when i thnk it is appropriate n fair to me. who r u to ask me for somethng that expensive. totally not worth it. the deal is tht thng. but it depends on me which brand n what kind of price range i wnt to give. bersyukurlah mun aku bagi sumthng lak but i wont give u tht specific thng u ask me for. bcoz i just wont. it is far too much for me. u not even my girl or sumthng. first time aku nang akn bg bnda gya, but makin hari aku tengok cara ko mintak ya buat aku sgt reluctant utk bagi apa2 pun. so sgt mistake bla ko mintak lebih dari sepatutnya. blm apa-apa dah mintak lebih. nasib baik xjadi apa-apa. mun x nang habis kali aku knk cukur. well i guess, girl like u memang have that kind of attitude. janji sendiri xmok ditepati. janji org len bkn men tuntut. tauk mrh bla org mntak. p nya mejal kta bkn men xfikir pun apa org rasa. mmg dasar tuttt.... so i will forget about ur promise to me n in return i will keep my promise but i give sumthng tht i thnk would b enuf to end ths mess. n aku rs ya adalah patut mencukupi. if xcukup juak nanglah pompuan eee. ok bye. xbagus kutuk2. p gne mok buat. aku nang perangei buruk juak.