It's killing me

Yes it is hard to be a blacksheep in the family. but what can I do. I'm just a little guy trying to do my best. I'm still learning n trying my best to figure my life. I don chose to be like this. it is written by god. this is god choice. I dont care about others. but y cant u just take me as i am. i am not here to please u. in fact i'm not here to please any of u. since last year, i cant feel luv. i dun feel miserable. i dun feel angry. i dun feel sad. i dun feel happy. i feel nothing. i feel hurt. y cant u let me be me. let me happy. let me spend my life the way that i want it to be. this is not about u. this is not about us. this is about me. how can i be happy. when everything i do is to make all of u happy. since 1 year ago i loss my feeling. i loss everything. this is so that everyone around me can feel happy. but how about me. i cant love anyone. how's that. i need luv. i 1 to be love. i 1 2 luv. but wht the hell is happening. i'm starting 2 lose myself. this it not me. absolutely not me. i'm tired to please other. i'm tired of pretending. and above all i'm tired of being sum1 else. i 1 2 b me. why is it so damn hard 2 be yourself. f*ck my life, my family n my everything. there is no day that i dun feel 2 kill myself. maybe i should just hang myself or jump from parkson. fuck me. i am really fucking tired. curse curse curse!!! F word all the way. waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is crazy. i need 2 fix it ASAP. fix myself. fix my life. fix everything. shit betullah. shit everything.